dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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