I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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