i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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