And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
