How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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