Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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