The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just found a bag of teeth...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
