Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to be your penis for a week.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize