And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
