also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize