i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
