Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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