Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
