I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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