You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
