so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
