I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
