So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
