Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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