im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
