The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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