Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wish there were birth control emojis
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
