This is not my ceiling
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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