i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
