she woke up with a sticky ear
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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