Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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