i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
