i don't like sucking hair
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
