i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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