My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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