from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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