When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
