No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
