Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
vagina is talking i cant
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
