420 ftw
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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