you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
