Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
