If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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