I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
