If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
