Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
