we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
