Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize