he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
