Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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