Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
