you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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