You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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