I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
