Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm at about main and main street
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
