its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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