Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
