Whod you bang
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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