I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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