Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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