we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Every concussion has its silver lining
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
