he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize