i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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