If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
