My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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