I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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