I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
