Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
