I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
