weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
