i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
