The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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