if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He? As in you personified your dick?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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