Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
