who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
