Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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