How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
